It’s one of the most painful parts of labor and delivery when giving birth. And I know from experience because I’ve done it twice! Any mother knows, it is the most painful but also the most productive of the labor process. You gain new focus, a new resolve to get busy with the process of birth itself. You are closer now to the reward of childbearing that ever before. And that reward is holding that beautiful baby in your arms!!
However, although rewarding when applied to labor and delivery, not so rewarding when it comes to a transition in life. This, for me, has been tougher than I imagined. I didn’t even know what a transition was in life until I began living this one. It all started over a year ago when I decided to make a major career change. Although the decision took years to make, I thought I had imagined every scenario and prepared for it. I was wrong. But, then again, how many scenarios can you imagine of a situation you have never walked though. I was not prepared!
We talk many times about not confusing our “do” with our “who” and I even preached it myself to others, but boy was I in for a rude awakening to discover that I, too, had gotten them confused. When I resigned my job of 12 years in one particular field, it didn’t take me long to begin suffering an identity crisis. I didn’t know who I was outside that career. I couldn’t imagine myself ever doing anything else, even though my heart longed to try different things and break out of my comfort zone. And although, it was part and still is part of my heart, I was confused about how to go about life without it. How to see myself otherwise. Not only seeing myself but I’m finding it’s hard for others to see me outside it as well.
When people only know you in one way, they have a tendency to identify you in that way. The whole of you. Without knowing the rest of you. I can’t blame them, because I see people in the same way. If I only see them functioning in one attribute of their personality, I will only view or see them as THAT person. Many voices speak to us that determine the value we place on ourselves because of what we “do”.
This is a transition of another kind. One I don’t know how to navigate. One I can’t find a book about, or a blog about. This is one I am going to have to pioneer myself. And I guess that’s the only way to find my way through it, to keep walking, keep moving forward. Keep living and praying for guidance. “The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord”, Proverbs says and so I have to believe that is true in this case.
There are times, I have questioned the career decision I made, but all in all, I know it was the right one. I just have to walk it out and settle into my “new normal”. Ughhh…..that statement has been used ad nauseam and no less in this case. But I understand more, now, what it means. It’s hard for this girl. The road ahead, I mean. Mysterious and hidden. My analytical personality is having a fit because I can’t figure out the next step!
Perhaps I am feeling a little of what Abraham felt when the Lord told him to GO! Genesis 12: 1 (NLT) “ The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. ” “Go to the land that I will show you.” Does that mean Abraham didn’t now where he was going when he started off? Many think he did not; that he just went. Either way, I imagine it was hard to leave all that you were accustomed to and go somewhere you were unfamiliar with. That’s me.
I am in an unfamiliar place. A transition of sorts. Giving birth to something new in my life. Feeling the pain of pushing forward into this new phase of my life unlike where I have been in the past. I have no clue what it looks like, but I can feel it. Like a baby, moving in my womb of faith! The labor of a new place in life is no joke, but I am looking forward to my reward, holding the promise in my hands! That is what keeps me. The promise!