CRISIE HUTCHINGS

My resolve has fled into the dark night

And has taken hope with it.

The mystery is

I don’t mind it. Not at all.

Hope is a heavy burden

When it comes with unrealized expectations.

Were my expectations to high?

Too lofty?

Are kindness and compassion

too much to ask for?

I’m indifferent, which is scary.

I’ve always cared too much

Obsessed and worried

And now it doesn’t matter

Grief has owned so much of me

For so long

That indifference feels like a gift!

A beautiful, peaceful gift.

But there is caution here

As I don’t want my heart to grow cold and callous.

I take no pride

In whatever resilience I may possess

I know it is none by Grace

that has carried me through.

I’ve tried so hard

With much stress to my soul

To hold on to anything that was left

Through the years

But with each passing year

I find there is less to hold on to.

Now, I must surrender

To the truth, I’ve been denying.

It used to feel fearful

To glimpse that truth

But now it stands at the door

Like a friend with outstretched arms,

Warm blanket in hand

And an embrace that calls me into healing.

My only choice…

To walk into it.